I am learning to forgive myself.

The past few weeks have been busy. A few days after the new year, I told my therapist that I was contemplating taking a few months off to recuperate from the brunt of last year, but duty demanded otherwise. So I dove to the deep end head first, like a circus performer diving into a glass of water. I had to jumpstart my career because hospital bills were piling up. I needed to. Thankfully, a few veteran swimmers guided me in navigating the waters. I have always been blessed with meeting kind strangers who never hesitated to lend me a helping hand, especially when I was pushed to the brink. Maybe God really has a soft spot for me.

Lately, I told my confidantes that I felt guilty about complaining. Because how can I complain about something I prayed for? I felt guilty for all the prayer warriors I implored to fight my battles with me. So the logical thing for me was to accept and not wallow in how exhausting it has been so far. And it’s only been three months! But then, I couldn’t give it any more power than it deserved. It was beyond exhausting, but at the end of the day, someone at the far end of the gallery is quietly believing in you.

So make sure that when you look at yourself in the mirror, you also believe in what you see. If you can’t believe in it, then respect it. If you can’t respect it, then encourage it. If you can’t encourage it, then empower it. And if you can’t empower it, then please be kind to it.

I hope we all find our own little peace in the middle of this raging onslaught. Stay kind.